First Blogger Blog: October 14, 2006

Hi, call me Shurik (another way to say "Alexander" in Russian, along with Alex, Sasha , San-Sanich, and others--go figure!. My first blog will be all the blog entries I've written on MySpace since August 12, 2004 (Two years and two days ago!).

Monday, October 09, 2006

My Perfect Woman.
Dear Reader,

Let me take a moment on this lonely Monday evening to describe to you My Perfect Woman.

Oh, where do I begin?
19:41


Hello Old Friend. Videogame Company Interview.
Dear Reader,

The times, they are a-changing. Soon I'll be an old man, and you will be an old (but still beautiful) woman, and what will we think of our lives then? :)

What is Taoist Inner Alchemy? What does it mean to work with the body's energies (if there is such a thing, maybe it's just baloney) and transform your inner landscape to what you want it to look like? And, what if your structure lacks integrity, if you're not the perfect architect (i.e., if you fuck up trying to do some messed-up shit to yourself)? Who gives us the right to change ourselves, anyway! And once you start changing yourself, soon you'll be changing others around you, and then what will the world look like?

You know, I'm job hunting now. I got dressed up in a suit and tie (the Windsor--I looked up the instructions on the internet) and walked all 1.3 miles to the place. It's a contract position for a videogame startup. Considering my parents never allowed me to have a videogame and it took me 23 years to acquire a PS2 (which I haven't played in a month or two), this job may be just the job for me.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time with R--- & B-----, the founder and CCO of the company. Yeah, maybe in 20 years, it'll all seem routine, but getting inside the building, seeing the security cameras behind the front desk (and no clerk around), using the directory to call my man R----, with whom I had exchanged emails and spoken briefly on the phone, having him come down and greet me and shake my hand with his beefy hands (hey, I like to notice people's legs and hands, nothing wrong with that) taking a ride up the elevator to the 9th floor, sitting and chatting, then having him pass me on to his good man B---- (who was just coming into the office and seemed sort of down, and whose wife's picture lay demonstratibely on the desk behind him, keeping her watchful eye on him--sheesh, I have no idea what it's like to be married to someone 24/7; part-time seems OK though).

What I like about videogames is the potential for realism. I think it'd be cool to create a martial arts videogame that was based on actual fighting techniques of Bagua, Hsing-I and Taiji. That's three characters right there already. What'd be cool about this game is that it'd be based on famous real-world martial artists. For example, Bruce Kumar Frantzis, would come in for a few hours, have electrodes attached to him that monitor both his motions and internal organs (think: are his glands secreting "fear"?; think, what's his heartbeat and pulse), and of course demonstrate various martial arts moves. Then the videogame would mimick people's natural responses by showing a heart and heartbeat, pulse, internal organ state and function (e.g., shit, I just got hit in the left kidney and am in intense pain...so my motions aren't very coordinated so I may have to switch tactics). The videogame would be brutally real. Some characters would try to poke your eyes out and hit you in the nutsack (say, the dirty streetfighters). Some characters would be karate people who'll try to punch and kick you, some judo people who'll try to throw you, some Taekwondo people who'll try to hit you in the head. Hmmm...I wonder how the silly controllers on the videogame consoles would work. I think it'd have to be a more realistic game, kind of like a super-realistic flight simulator that tests airforce crew to flight without actually taking off. Well, so much for that idea.

I should mention that this job is far away from the more or less technical jobs I've had in the past, from teaching math to running SQL databases to full-blown programming in MFC and C++, writing APIs to automate Excel, and so on. And you know what, I DON'T CARE! I have two computers and a laptop, two Ubuntu Linux boxes and one Windows XP machine, so there's plenty of equipment and software to use to compile and debug.

Frankly, I kind of like having programming as a hobby and wouldn't mind working in a less-technical or nontechnical role. I could use the people skills; I'm kind of a lost cause if you ask me, 'cause I usually treat people and events as I see fit and just, and it doesn't always fit societal conventions. Well, as they say, God Bless America.

To tell you the truth, I'm so influenced by the images around me, that I would say screw you to the technical stuff, and just hang around beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous models all day long, if I could. That's how much I love you women out there. I could go on and on about what I love about women and how they make me feel (which I rarely show to them--do they really need to know how absurdly attractive they are? What is this, some sort of heaven, with angels walking around left and right, looking tight.) Aaah, a geek sure can dream. That's how imaginative they make 'em these days.

Aaah, but if you are in the loving company of indescribably hot models and other goodlooking women, both young and old, some skinny some fluffy, all cuddly and warm, with big bright eyes or maybe sleek narrow ones, what will happen to all the poor children, who need your mathematical know-how and experiences with life's hard knocks, 'cause they're stuck in the shithole they think life is, because nobody taught them anything but fucking bad words, what will happen to them?

And, and who will explore the inner landscapes, and the furthest reaches of the universe at 3am, when sleep has no chance against you, and your mind is (filtered water)-like clear and tofu-like firm, your body is full of effulgence and your breath is ever-presently slow and steady, or fluttering in trepidation. God, I love a woman with a good vocabulary.

Ok, enough of this blog that reminds me of imaginary numbers. I've got real work to do. Before I finish that count-the-perfect-shuffles Java programming assignment for NexTag, I want to organize my freaking life a bit more. How can I have a job if the last time I updated my Excel-file contacts list in 9/22/2005? And now with this new Gmail account (how long has it been, a year since I got it?) and all those contacts...can I create a master contacts list? And what is wrong with my system of backups, if all my videos, pictures, and music aren't all in one place? This became an issue since I bought an excellent (only 149.99!) Samsung digital camera and now have tons of videos and images coming in (for example, from a neighbor's Red Envelope wedding party!).

--Shurik
18:50
Monday, October 02, 2006

Live Television Has Never Been This Entertaining
Current mood: thankful
Good Morning Dear Reader,

Have you ever watched TV? Chances are, if you're reading this blog, you've watched TV. Have you ever watched a news show that's filmed live? How about some other show that's taped live? Well...guess what?

Hmmm....how to put this. The words aren't really flowing because it is only recently that I started getting this (pretty awesome! though sometimes somewhat tiring feeling) feeling whenever I watch TV. Furthermore, I don't really have an explanation for this feeling, so it's especially hard to describe.

Well, maybe it isn't so difficult to analyze and understand. Here's the deal: Television viewers have the power to influence the (live) program they are watching! Do I mean that we have the power to call in or email? No, that's not what I mean (though of course, email and phone calls would have that effect, and I encourage you to use these two media to promote positive change). I mean, just as when you're talking to someone in person, when you watch TV, there is a "connection" made. It reminds of "being online", kind of like a computer, or an external hard drive, or really anything that can be plugged into a power outlet and be made seen by a computer system designed to monitor or use that gadget. It is also similar to the feeling Bruce Kumar Frantzis described when I attended his workshop, the feeling of "I'm in" when doing standing meditation (i.e., standing chi gung, standing practice).

If what I've said so far sounds a little vague, I venture to say that either 1)I'm not blogging right or 2) You haven't reached a certain "spiritual" level. Mmm. I didn't used to get such a kick out of watching live TV. I did not used to feel like a participant, like a guest who has visited a friend's (digital) home.

I wouldn't be writing about this if I didn't get confirmation for my feelings. I mean, it's one thing to be in love, and it is another thing to have that love reciprocated. My confirmation is in the subtle reactions of the TV anchors. Well, some of them. Some of them show no reaction. These latter ones I usually perceive as a little dense, inhibited, closed up. But that's just a hunch, not necessarily the truth (i.e., it's also possible, that their "internal power" is so strong that they are immune to viewers' influence). Just hunches.

About this time, you may be wondering whether I'm on an ego trip, a twenty-something baby with too vivid an imagination. I am telling you the truth. I finally had to write about it because tonight again, like many nights before, I couldn't fall asleep (at least I got sleep from around 11 to 2 am). At 3am, after about an hour of sleeplessness, I turned on the tube. Channel 7 had World News on so I watched that. I hadn't seen the anchors before (so this was a "clean slate" so to speak). I saw a young woman and young man (don't you love how TV news presenters are paired to complement one another--i.e., if they get along) present the news.

The female news anchor was the first to "reciprocate my love", so to speak. Meaning, she showed signs that my presence on the other end of the digital network was detected. Sort of like a sniffer (say, Etherial) that detects the presence of some digital device. The man seemed a little "dense" in the sense that even after prolonged eye contact with him (how beautiful it is to look into another person's eyes, whether in person or on TV, don't you agree?), he showed no visible change. And that's just fine with me. I am not one to force things upon people. If someone doesn't know me, it's not my duty to convince them that I exist. Besides, I've been warned by the likes of BK Frantzis and Swami Prabhupada (or rather, their writings) that as internal power develops and a spiritual self bit-by-bit develops, one may encounter certain "powers", and it takes a non-intrusive attitude and a lot of common sense not to abuse these newly-found gifts. Just like a weighlifter will be able to lift more weight with time and correct practice, so a practitioner of "internal" practices like Circle Walking, standing and sitting chi gung, yoga, and meditation, can develop certain latent powers (though to some extent our capacity for understanding and growth is limited by our genetics). Anyhow, it's important NOT to abuse these newly-gained powers, because things have a certain process and order, and if one uses one's gifts inappropriately (and yes, they are gifts, though it may have taken hundreds or thousands of hours of hard work to attain [and maintain?] them), then...well, let's all hope that sinners are punished (or rather, led to the righteous path) and saints are rewarded, to speak simply.

You know, power and powers are one thing, but a genuine connection to humanity and human beings is another. And I think that's what I'm feeling. A stronger connection to humanity. I've gone through quite a bit in the past few years since graduation from UC Berkeley. I've had two jobs, I've tasted life "on my own" (living with roommates), I've attended workshops by (Sri Sri) Ravi Shankar and Sadhguru Yaggi Vasudev, who've imparted unto me a host of breathing and other techniques. And I've been practicing these techniques, if not diligently and consistently, at least persistently. I've tasted freedom, but I know there's a whole ocean left to traverse. And who knows, I may drown midway.... But I rememer learning the word "optimist" (well, the Russian version of the concept!) back when I was about 9 (see, everything that happens in Russia, happens before I am 10, so I ballpark events in Russia from the was-10-years-old mark). And I consider myself an optimist. I didn't get here on my own, and I thank all those kind souls (including family) who've helped me feel optimism amidst this world of...well, there's sadness everywhere (just like there's happiness everywhere too).

Anyhow, it's 5:07 am and it's time for Circle-Walking practice. (Isn't it funny how the early morning and late night hours are sometimes so thought-provoking?) Dear Reader, if you are too a fellow practitioner of the Taoist-founded practice of Circle Walking, DO try not to do it on cement if you can. I did that for months and months in the backyard, for lack of a better training ground in this small house, and after switching to the hardwood floor indoors, I learn that wood is indeed softer on the joints.

Let me know what you think about the above entry. Do you have a similar experience with live tv? Do you practice some energy-enhancing technique, like some kriya yoga, or Circle Walking, or chi gung, or some other technique that refines your senses and elevates your spirit, so to speak. Is reality slowly changing before your eyes, where before things that were ordinary and bland now have a special flavor? Share your experience! Leave a comment! Come on, it'll only take a second. Thanks!

Peace,

--Alex
04:24
Monday, September 25, 2006

In Praise of WheatgrassKits.com.
Persuade power and fame not to take away from quality of service.

I recently (a few weeks ago actually, when I was laid off, which is altogether another story) "stumbled" upon a company selling wheatgrass and other items on the internet. They have up to three websites related to different types of (plants?). Wheatgrass, barley, etc.

Grandma wisdom: Wheatgrass is just what comes out of the wheat seed? Russians are known for eating wheat and wheat-related products? And what to make of all the political talks, the frustration, the childish anger, on TV? Also, what to make of the TV to computer converter that lets you watch TV on your computer (provided you have a working cable). Wheat, as in wheat containing so-called gluten? The kind you can buy at whole foods or safeway or whatever?

Quick side note: For a long time now, I've wanted to try some natural-language processing processing software. Typing this now, I realize I could be speaking this now. That way, I won't be dependent on being in front of the computer, and that way, the "occupational hazard" of programming in the form of "eye strain" after long hours of sitting in front of the computer, would be diminished. Could be a load of bullshit. Maybe I am just lazy and don't want to type.

Man, my room is so tiny, if I put a table and a chair in there, I can barely make a full circle comfortably in the room.

Gtg more later.
11:44
Sunday, September 24, 2006

Ramadan, Circle Walking, Middle East, Africa/Kenya on Russian TV NTV
Dear Muslim friends,

By chance I learned that today is Ramadan. Actually, I was informed of this by email, the contents of which go something like as follows:

The Reminder!
It is the beginning of Ramadan on Sunday, September 24, 2006.

Ok, thanks birthdayalarm.com for the holiday reminder. So anyhow, I decided to give this fasting a twirl, not having fasted since my one-week prior encounter with lemon juice and agave nectar. Working, in some ways other than financially, had left me weak, and I could sit for hours at a stretch and stare at the computer. Not very healthy. And not necessary too. Overkill (kind of like Bagua, says Erle Montague in his writings).

My point is that fasting isn't meant to deplete you of energy. It's meant to give you energy. A cleaner source of energy. Now in my mind, there's a difference between a yogi who fasts and a marathon runner who fasts; or a martial artists who fasts. And maybe fasting isn't even the right word? Afterall, it's but a change in dietary habits. As I understand it, during Ramadan, the idea is not to eat during the day (though there is some small meal at the start of the day). After the sun sets, food is game.

This sort of fast is different in nature than say, a week-long juice fast. Why? Because though the fasting time is stretched out to a month, there is plenty of fuel from food sources involved. So one need not do chi gung or yoga or whatever to do this sort of fast. All one has to do is treat softer on one's feet during the day, maybe sit down more often, maybe even lie down. But by evening time, surely the body will appreciate the food and reap the benefits of the cleansing aspect of keeping crap out of one's mouth. Of course, if one eats crap after sunset, that may make a person ill, purity or no purity.

I find Arabic interesting. I wouldn't say so much from the linguistics aspect of it...though as any language, it must have interesting features and intrinsic beauty. But also Arabic as it relates to the Middle East. In that vein, Hebrew is also fairly interesting. But Arabic, at least in my mind, has got that whole terrorist thing associated with it, and oil, and also, in all honesty, the idea of an Arabic/Muslim/Middle Eastern woman (but somehow not really a Jewish woman right now...go figure) is appealing. You know, sex. Like sex in heaven haha. Oh yeah, I'm sure if there's sex in "heaven" (where a person doesn't have a body?), then that "sex" doesn't look like it looks on earth.

Onto another topic, if I may:
Difficulties encountered in my Circle Walking routine: I don't think walking in the backyard, on cement, is salubrious. Cement is hard, so it's not as easy to practice correctly as it is on, say, wood. So I turned my attention indoors to "my" room (you know, at this stage in my life(?), I have few worldy possessions; even my room or my bed is not my own. It's good to feel humble, because that's what we are.

So I want to put up a video on the internet. It's a video that I took with my new digital camera: Samsung Digimax S500. Why mention the specific brand? I don't know, it's a decent camera, cheap (149.99 at RadioShack), and Samsung seems like a company with good products, from what I've used them for. So I talk about what I like. The price was a big factor; in fact, by looking elsewhere, I couldn't find a better deal. No rebate. With shipping and handling the price was upped to about 170 I think, but that is still considerably less than elsewhere. It's nice to find a deal you're happy with.

Now can I tell you a story? :) When I was younger and my family had recently emigrated to the United States of America, I had a tape recorder (probably from some friends) MORE LATER SAVING...

You know, Russia is starved for attention. I'm having my grandma taping a video of the TV station NTV, available from Russia (well, that is, if you believe those videos of people on the moon are real). Her arms are tired now. Ok, memory full.

Now, back to NTV and the current show. Lolita (singer who married rich businessman recently) vs government worker who is defending a GOVERNMENT TAX ON PEOPLE WHO AREN'T GIVING BIRTH. Would this sort of tax be able to occur America? In any case, the people of Russia (not the government worker...) seem to be disliking the tax. Although, on the same channel NTV, though on a different channel, there was a young man who basically advertized that he is living off of the 5 or so wives he's got and the kids he's made with them. Sounds pretty wild now, and it did then too (to the talk show host also).

Till morrow...

Richislav nikov
Nikito Bjulko.
Sergej Nikolaivich.
Baburin

15:54
Saturday, September 23, 2006

Two days...for what...choices
So let's say someone said: Here's a human body, a hardwood floor, a PlayStation2, a computer, a few programming books, mathematics books, CSET exams, and an "interview" two days from today (oh, and your mom is working those two days, so you finally get a chance to clean up the clutter you brought to the house, all 'em gadgets).

So hotshot, what do you do? I guess you start with a little Desert Storm on PS2. In 1992 Iraq invaded Kuwait and American forces were sent in. Right?

Close sources informed me that Turbo C++ --> Borland C++ is being released as some free version.

From http://www.energyarts.com/cms/index.php?id=8:
Like a Challenge?
If, on the contrary, you are comfortable being challenged and rising to the occasion when presented with multi-dimensional, non-linear learning experiences which unfold over time, then you stand to benefit from what Bruce has to offer.
If you are looking for someone who will "motivate" you or tell you what to do, thereby lifting from your shoulders the burden of responsibility for shaping your own life, then you may not benefit from what Bruce has to offer.
Sex and Money
In line with the Taoist take on sex and sexuality, Bruce considers neither sex nor the body to be dirty.
In fact, he doesn't find sex dramatically more sacred then eating or working on a computer.
Taoists classically used both money and sex as metaphors for physical, emotional and spiritual development. If you find this kind of language offensive then he might offend you.
Breaking Through
Bruce's objective is to get people comfortable with themselves. This might entail cutting to the chase and shaking them up a little if they are uptight and tense.
--End Bruce's website quote
Ok I've got some ideas to implement. C ya.

--Shurik



07:06
Friday, September 22, 2006

Costco's (Western Digital's) NetCenter Network hard Drive suggests Windows XP Home limitations.
I visited KMart this morning. I faced the east I guess cause the sun was in my face. It felt good sitting in the early-morning rays. A little bathing by the birdies in the puddle nearby was entertaining.

Without reading the last blog (which I am already regretting...don't you at times wish to just erase everything and start over?) here's the entry for today (tonight).

So I bought a Western Digital NetCenter Network Hard Drive kit (500 gigabytes; roomy and about the same physical size as the other, 80 gigabyte hard drive attached to the bigger 500 gigabyte one; like a child to a mother or a disciple to a master). I was hoping to hook up three computers (and eventually the Playstation 2, once I get a long enough ethernet cable--K-Mart doesn't sell it it seems; what's the K for? Like OK? Or maybe cool/kool.). By hook up I mean share files, share a printer, and hopefully be able to add more accessories later (like, share a digital camera, share a scanner). This way, I could print, etc from any computer in the house. Eventually, I could even enable the router's wireless capability, though that's been a pain also, so I opted for the safer and easier ethernet cable method).

But it's been problematic living with the WD NetCenter HD. This HD is attached to the router via an ethernet cable. This HD also has two USB ports for other peripheral devices. Say I have the printer and another external hard drive occupying NetCenter's two USB ports. Now, I pull out the external hard drive (the reason why I have to pull it out instead of just using the "network" is that so far the network only works on my Windows XP Pro machine, NOT on my Windows XP Home machine, which is sitting on a laptop, and through which I haven't been able to access the main workgroup). This is too bad. I guess I'll have to buy another version of Windows XP Pro to install on my laptop--because having access to a communal hard drive, another hard drive, and a printer, is quite useful. This would simplify backing up data and printing. If the laptop could see the network that Western Digital has tried to help me create, I wouldn't have to unplug the 80G. NetCenter goes kaput, as evidenced by the white X on a red background circle, superimposed above the NetCenter icon in the Windows Xp start bar, the second icon to the left of the clock.

Maybe more later.

THE WESTERN DIGITAL "PROBLEMS" HAVE BEEN RESOLVED. TURNS OUT TO UNPLUG AN ACCESSORY FROM THE NETCENTER HARD DRIVE, ONE HAS TO USE THE WEBPAGE-BASED SOFTWARE AND PRESS THE "SAFELY REMOVE DISK" BUTTON. Still, why would the network break when I pull the plug on a USB hard drive connected to the NetCenter hard drive's USB port. I dare not unplug the printer. I hope not to have a need to do this in the near future.

21:45
Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Powerful feelings my arse.
Current mood: thankful
Keywords: Ahmadinejad Speaks, Exclusive Interview with President of Iran. What War With Iran Would Look Like.

I was told, arse is a "polite", euphemistic way to say ass, and so I use it, although the word ass doesn't bother me, at least not when I use it.

Guys. Girls. Women. Men. Children. Parents. Sisters. Brothers. Cousins and Uncles. Grandparents and grandchildren. Bosses and employees. Terrorists, freedom fighters, police men, soldiers, prisoners, and prisoners of war. I, like the president of Iran Ahmad----, who was interview by the Times, wish love to creep into the heart of every person.

I know armies are necessary. I know submarines and helicopters, fighter jets, satellites, fiber-optic networks, and all sorts of technological advances have made things interesting. People have lots of toys to play with, and I'm not just talking Playstation 2 or XBox 360. Any country can, with enough time, arm itself to the teeth. You think there's power in 69 million Iranians, or 6 million Israelis (some of my favourite numbers, by the way)?

I must be pretty dumb to be so shaken up by the hatred two of my close Iranian acquaintances (aren't most of our relationships just fleeting acquaintances--great friends my ass; if you want to know the truth, a lot of people I know, especially ones whose first language wasn't English, have noticed the careless use of the word friend. But I too got used to this "easy" use of the word friend and so am guilty--hey, shouldn't the whole world be my friend?

Ask yourself, are you an American? Well, so am I. So here are two Americans. Not Italians, Brazilians, Peruvians, Argentinians, Iranians, Israelis, Mexicans, Canadians, or even Californians. Here are two Americans. Does that change anything about us? I guess, much like if I call you boss and you call me employee, we take on roles.

So Israelis and Iranians have also labeled themselves. Actually no, that's not right. The LAND the Israelis and Iranians live on has been partitioned, and the Israelis and Iranians have labeled themselves and have labeled one another. Now, they play games with explosive shells. And come on, how can you not weep when you look at Vietnamese people who survived through the Vietnam war and have horrific deformities on their bodies, or people who survived the Hiroshima explosion near the end of WWII.

Guys, there's something not right about the world we live in. I mean, it's really none of our business, you know, it's destruction, that we're imposing on others. You know what happens in a Russian jail? You know what happens in an American jail? Is this right? There ARE people out there who have visited prisons. No! Yes, there are people who ask to go to a prison. Pretty please? And what do they do with the inmates? Aren't they afraid? Some do Tai Chi (Bruce Kumar Frantzis--though this wild oat has done 3 years of yoga in India so I would hesitate to label what he presented to the inmates as Tai Chi). Some chant (Paramahansa Yogananda--or is this in theory???). Some ??? (Sadhguru Yaggi Vasudev). Shit, I lost track of the "masters" and "holy men". Yeah, I admit it, I cling to the hopeless idea of God and unity and people being able to achieve the "end goal" by means of breath control, meditation, great physical health, not in that order. Wait, wait. Throw in money, lots of money. And land, lots of land.

Now I'm sitting here and thinking and I'm frustrated. Why? Seems like I'm fed and clothed, and I even worked up the money to buy myself a Playstation 2 and Max Payne for 9.99 at K-Mart (what's that connotation with some drug that starts with k? Man, those people's bodies and more, sucks I guess if you get sucked into something that takes hold of you and won't let you go, like a wife. And if you have one (a wife), go get a divorce right now. But then get remarried, because ONLY BY MARRYING ONCE AND NEVER DIVORCING OR NOT MARRYING AT ALL IS OUR SOCIETY GOING TO HAVE A LOW PERCENTAGE OF MARRIAGES ENDING IN DIVORCE. I frankly told myself, all parts of myself, that I won't marry till I'm 40. That leaves about 27 good years left for fun in the sun with your honey. Now to heterosexual males, I want to say that you've got only so many ejaculations left in ya and you don't want to be making babies (unless you're donationg 150 sperm samples to the sperm bank [20 years ago at $50 a pop--sorry, I think that was on TVN the Russian channel]) so take it easy.

Now I want to say a few things to Mr Putin and Mr Ahmadinejad.

First, Mr Ahmadinejad, in response to your so-called "A Date With A Dangerous Mind". I'm not sure whether this is you, Mr. Ahmadinejad, or Scott MacLeod/Havana? Anyhow, Mr...darn it, may I just call you Mahmoud? I mean, that is your first name. So Mahmoud, shit man, I know the US has been giving you beef. They're making life difficult, and kind of like a big boss, or a big police man, are control the traffic and bossing people around. Some Americans have noticed the mistakes of the United States--and mistakes they are, because people must always learn from their what...things that happened but should be buried in the past? No gentlemen Mahmoud and Putin, mistakes they are, and mistakes we all make. The United States must pay for its mistakes in the sense that the choices America makes impact the surrounding players. Putin, it's like in Judo man, when you've got not just one player going against another one, but rather hundreds of players walking around the dojo, mingling, sending each other messages, and blogging.

Ok, I give up for tonight, Rome wasn't conquered in one day. As far as Israel goes, the land was carved out and now there's people living there. They can't leave, but the people they are sharing a partition with can't tolerate them. Well, build a goddamned motherfucking (ain't '40s or so slang the best?) biggest wall between Jordan, Lebanon, Syria and Israel. Finance this construction through generous grants from both people who had relatives die in the Holocaust and people who had relatives who killed Jews in the Holocaust and sent them into the ovens and gas chambers. If those folks don't have enough capital to finance such a construction, then feature these guys on both Okna on NTV, on Tyra Banks' TV show (you go girl, I guess), providing a way to give money via PayPal to fly out 144,000 construction, etc workers from the following countries to build a wall separating Israel from the suicide bombers, and the suicide bombers, from the invaders of their territory.
* Afghanistan (344)
* Albania (101)
* Algeria (82)
* Andorra (100)
* Angola (62)
* Antigua and Barbuda (110)
* Argentina (2376)
* Armenia (218)
* Australia (95007)
* Austria (2130)
* Azerbaijan (137)
* Bahamas (1090)
* Bahrain (155)
* Bangladesh (471)
* Barbados (276)
* Belarus (223)
* Belgium (4427)
* Belize (762)
* Benin (24)
* Bhutan (99)
* Bolivia (253)
* Bosnia and Herzegovina (244)
* Botswana (167)
* Brazil (3388)
* Brunei (249)
* Bulgaria (895)
* Burkina Faso (55)
* Burundi (37)
* Cambodia (377)
* Cameroon (73)
* Canada (134629)
* Cape Verde (25)
* Central African Republic (22)
* Chad (48)
* Chile (1270)
* China (12436)
* Colombia (641)
* Comoros (37)
* Congo (Brazzaville) (34)
* Congo, Democratic Republic of the (79)
* Costa Rica (1281)
* Côte d'Ivoire (85)
* Croatia (884)
* Cuba (375)
* Cyprus (912)
* Czech Republic (2806)
* Denmark (4876)
* Djibouti (24)
* Dominica (111)
* Dominican Republic (580)
* East Timor (Timor Timur) (53)
* Ecuador (635)
* Egypt (1075)
* El Salvador (191)
* Equatorial Guinea (37)
* Eritrea (37)
* Estonia (504)
* Ethiopia (156)
* Fiji (340)
* Finland (2793)
* France (21152)
* Gabon (28)
* Gambia, The (73)
* Georgia (246)
* Germany (10325)
* Ghana (193)
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You think I'm done? You ain't seen nothin' yet! The wall will be made of reinforced pressure-treated super-duper googly-moogly material that not only will repel bullets and armor-piercing missiles, but will bounce back, repelling the force (kind of like Wang Shu Jin does it when his attacker's hand seems to stop and the attacker seems to bounce back a few feet as if he has just hit steel-coated rubber? (kind of like the body that Hsing-I develops--hard on the outside, soft on the inside--just a hunch). Check out the second video at http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=3092191.

Anyhow, the wall will not only be 20 kilometers wide, but also 20 kiometers high, and actually, like Google's gmail account, it'll be higher every day. This way, there will be a construction worker from every country present on the job in the Holy Land rockin' on, hanging out at the bars, mingling, etc., and this will promote inter-country relations. Also each of these architects--oh, that's what I meant, an architect (if you think that's dumb of me, think about how many people are out there at the UNITED NATIONS conferences, translationg with ALL SORTS OF NASTY CONSEQUENCES). It does seem simpler not to have so many languages translated back and forth but rather to translate everything into a viable, modern, working language (Esperanto, duh--hey, native speakers are some sort of proof of the viability of Esperanto as a working UN language, no? Dunno.) that would act as a go-between all the other languages. That way, translators would just translate in and out of Esperanto, and not from X into Y where X is 1 to 6 (English, French, Spanish, Russian, Chinese, Arabic???) and Y is X - 1. See? Less work for the translators, less work for the UN, fewer misunderstandings. WE ALL SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE and not just the language of love. Although, that's a beautiful language. In fact, I'm terribly horny at the very moment, talking about all this power and world events--yup, seems to be true, just the very THOUGHT of "power" is exciting. Or maybe those (organic?) figs and bananas I had are kicking in with their goodness. See, I have it quite well, even better than the wild monkeys and meditating yogis; it seems almost a sin. But that seems awfully Judeo-Christian. Yeah man, I survived a week-long fast BECAUSE I'VE GOT THAT SURVIVAL DRIVE IN ME LIKE YOU. And I deserve to reap the benefits of my work and so do you, and so do the children in Africa, who are living with pollution, chemicals, poverty, disease, tragedy, and whatever else (hopefully, a bit of happiness as well?). And we won't get to that proud moment, like parents watching a child graduate from college, when 99.5% of the world's population is clothed, sheltered, fed; and the rest 0 .5% simply don't care.

Peace,

--Alex

PS And Babaji, I know you don't exist. So I know there's nothing you can do overnight, this night, of September 21st, 2006, to implant the quick-sprouting seeds of change into the hearts and minds of leaders and followers everywhere--so that they think unity even amidst stress and unfairness and build the right walls and break the wrong ones.
23:35
Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Powerful Feelings.
Current mood: thankful
Sure, every day is something different ("You can't step into the same river twice"), but most days, I'm pretty calm, quite, "balanced" you could say. I lead a quiet life--working, studying (to go to graduate school in mathematics), cooking, doing internal martial arts and chi gung, "meditating" a little (in quotes, because true meditation is hard to come by).

But then sometimes, sometimes, someone comes along, and unbalances me, sweeps me off my feet, disturbs me, makes me question myself, makes me question who I am at the core. I feel happiness, sadness, jealously, even some anger (rarely do I get angry...it's just an unhealthy emotion in general that's remedied by compassion or something-rather). When I think of that certain someone (admittedly, it's very likely a "she"), a stew of feelings surges through my veins, my heartbeat increases, and occassionally, I even shed a tear on the spot. I lose my appetite and suddenly realize how utterly lonely I am in this world.

And you know, I don't even know her. That's the funny part of all this internal ruckus. I don't know her more than a few hours, gathered over a few meetings, and yet just the thought of her, or the sound of her sweet (somewhat geeky) voice, sends me into ecstacy. I want to protect her, hug her, make love to her, go down on her, listen to her, pick her up in my arms, understand her, and whatever else. Then I think, which of those do I desire out of my own needs, and shouldn't those be checked, shouldn't I be selfless, not selfish. Needless to say, one can't go against one's natural desires, and the result is confusion. I even think, Jesus, why am I here on this earth, what's the point of all this emotion (I certainly didn't ask for it!)? And I realize what a mess my mind can make...how much lies beneath what in general I perceive as a calm individual (myself). Truly, much like in martial arts, or in mathematics, until our skills our tested, we can't say we're experts.

If you've read this blog entry so far, I don't know whether you're slightly happier, or slightly more sad (or neither). But let me point out the bright side, if only as a form of self-therapy. Tests are a necessary part of life. I wouldn't want life any other way. These feelings I have now, "they too shall pass" (hey, I don't call myself Christian, but some of my friends do). There will come a time, that I will yet again feel calmer and less agitated, more "myself". So this agitated state I'm in now, it's a chance to learn--about myself, about the world I live in. And really, all we can do is put our nose to the grindstone and ride the rough waves of feelings out till we reach calm waters, and learn a little along the way.

Best wishes to all you fellow travelers riding the sea of change. May you remember the higher goals of life in mind, and keep your spirits up.

Alex

PS Turns out she has a boyfriend, and that's good enough for me to get over these feelings that she stirred in me. "Ne shovu nazon en fremdan vazon" goes the Esperanto expression ("Don't stick your nose into another's jar"), and I wholeheartedly agree.

16:58
Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Goodbye Nest, Hello Nest Eggs.
Current mood: thankful
Wednesday, April 6, 2006, 12:38AM.

Last month, I moved out of my mom's place in S.M., California and into a room that I'm renting in M.V., CA. It's interesting that it took a bit of a nasty episode at my mom's place, to finally get me to realize how miserable I was living there with my mom and grandma, and that it is best for everyone if I moved out on my own.. It certainly means a lot to me that my mom and grandma both told me that if I'm unhappy at my new apartment, I'm welcome to come back--it's reassuring and comforting to have a backup plan (say, if I lose my job for some reason). I now live in a 3-bedroom apartment with F-----e, from Belgium, and M---a, from Bulgaria. M----a's boyfriend M---o, a carpenter (like Jesus' father, no?), visits often too. And occasionally, F------e's boyfriend S----y comes by.

Moving out on my own reminds me of the college days at Berkeley, when I would have my own room in an apartment I was sharing (with my sister). Actually, it's either moving out, or starting to get serious about reviewing mathematics in my preparation for the Mathematics Subject GRE, which I've made up my mind to take sometime in the next year (say, in April 2007, if all goes well) . Except back during the "carefree" college days, I didn't pay rent every month (though wasn't completely removed from the realities of life--I did receive a scholarship through an Esperanto organization, and worked at the beginning and end of college). Of course, I wouldn't want it any other way now. I'm lucky to have a job, to afford rent and be able to live on my own. I'm also lucky to have such wonderful roommates to learn from (it's a comedy act in the apartment. Funnier than Three's Company).

I also recently opened up an Individual Retirement Account (Mutual Funds) at a financial institution that has had pretty good ratings in the past (Morningstar likes most of its mutual fund offerings). To me, retirement is an incentive to live longer than 591/2 (and to get tax breaks on the annuities). Do you find it interesting how we're all "supposed" to live in the present moment, yet save for retirement (which, with the Roth IRA, will come the earliest at 591/2)? Maybe it's that I don't have that much of it, but when I think about money, I think of something that has been passed on to me and that may some day be gone from my hands and into someone else's (like if the equities in my mutual fund(s) burn up one fine day because of some stock market fluke). But it's nice to know that there's some little fund growing in my name, maturing, waiting for me to tap into it when it ripens and when I'm ready to enjoy it. It's a beautiful thing.

One more thing: Does the question (How) can I support the right causes with my money have an answer? We can ask ourselves questions like: Are we supporting organic farming, or promoting pesticide use? Are we funding gas guzzlers, or sturdy gasoline-misers? Are we buying natural detergents (check out Trader Joe's or Whole Foods or Berkeley Bowl or small natural-foods stores, like Bumble Bee, in your city) or the generic in-some-way-(worse/)bad-for-the-environment-kind? These questions may have clear-cut answers, but the "what's-a-wholesome-money-investment" question is something to ponder. Certainly, your money may grow due to dividends, but what sorts of causes is it being used for? What sort of detergent, and cars, and foods, and people? Is there a satisfactory answer to this question? Mabe it's out of line and somewhat childish? Maybe I shouldn't care whether my money goes to Microsoft or Sun Microsystems as long as the dividends are good and stable?

In other news, my grandfather has cancer. I haven't been back in Russia since I came here almost 15 years ago, so this is as good as time as any to fly there (with my dad and sister). Now I just have to work up enough money for a plane ticket (which seems to cost around 1.5K--eek!). I used to dream of Tomsk and could take an imaginary walk through parts of the city and the apartment building with my eyes closed. Not anymore so much, but still, having been born in Russia, and having family there, makes me realize that I have an attachment to that place, those people. I'd like to pack up lots of presents (dried fruit, roasted almonds, whole grains [e.g., quinoa, rice, oat], beans [yellow/green split pea, dark red kidney, black, white--they exist, right?], vitamins [multivitamin and vitamin c], some "healthy" snack bars) and go to Russia. Yes, I'm ready to handle comments like "You dirty Berkeley hippy." I don't mind spending all my time with my grandfather, but if chance allows it, it'd be nice to see other parts of Russia, or Europe, or Asia. Well, I can't be gone too long from work--I've only got about a dozen days of vacation for the rest of the year--so we'll see what can be arranged.

Hope life's treating you well and you are placing things in perspective in your ever-changing set of circumstances.

--Alex
01:16
Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Hello World.
Current mood: thankful
I don't think blogs are that funny, especially since I've been blogging on Friendster.

So maybe you're curious what a math major and linguistics minor does upon graduation from college? Gets a job as a programmer? That's right. Hello dialog boxes, Document/View architecture, and other Windows-specific tidbits. Yes, I am working as a (Windows) programmer for an awesome company Anal----.

You know, life's funny. In college, I was living in a sort of tunnel. Math, linguistics, Esperanto, Judo, Taiji, homework, and lots and lots of tea. For better or worse, I didn't think about where I would find myself upon graduation. I knew I was working toward something, and I was somewhat focused. Now I find myself in another setting, away from the college scene, seeing the same trusty coworkers every day, and, aside from the normal glitches (like crashing my car on the 101 last week and having to buy a bike and start taking Caltrain to get to work), life's consistent and promising. I wake up, I get to work, I put in my hours, I leave and get home. It's almost too easy, compared to the stresses of UC Berkeley. But maybe that's what a good university education ought to do...put so much stress on you that, upon graduation, you're as placid as a mongoose. Sorry, I just bought a Mongoose Placid. Ok, this blog is kind of going down the drain so I'll end it here.

Anyhow, Study math! And be thankful for anything life throws at you.
22:20
Thursday, August 12, 2004

Blogs are funny.
My first blog entry. Today is August 12, 2004. One (Fall 2004) semester left and I graduate. Then what? Will I find a job through OCR? It'd be interesting if I wrote another message come closer to December, updating myself. All of this blog-writing seems silly. I think I'll stick to my little notebook/diary in my room.
22:50